Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is Sex Addiction?
According to sexhelp.com, sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment. Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, sexual addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive sexual behavior.

2. Is it possible for sex to become addictive?
Yes, sex can become addictive. Sex addiction works much like other addictions that are easier to see. Just like with drugs or alcohol, the brain releases a flood of neurochemicals during sexual activity that creates the same type of “high.” The sex addict relies on this release of chemicals – the “high” – as his or her primary way of coping with life to soothe pain, relieve stress, or even manage boredom. It is important to distinguish that feeling pleasure or euphoria after engaging in sex or other sexual behaviors does not mean a person is an addict. Sex is intended for pleasure. However, some people engage in sexual behaviors outside their personal value system or have lost control leading to negative consequences. It’s being aware of when the choice to engage in sexual activity is no longer voluntary, but compulsive.

3. Can a person really have too much sex?
When assessing for an addiction of any sort, the determining factor is not quantity, but rather quality of life. Does the sexual acting out behavior impair relationships, cause loss of time, or lead to consequences at work/school? Does the behavior escalate to making choices that would not be made if not in a heightened arousal state? For example, unprotected sex with multiple anonymous partners, missing work or school to engage in sexual exploits, or masturbating to the point of injury.

4. Ever since I learned about my partner’s betrayal, I feel like I am losing my mind. Is that normal?
Learning about chronic betrayal produces the same responses as those in a trauma situation. The immediate effects can include emotional dysregulation (mood swings), re-experiencing, avoidance/numbing, hyperarousal, or relational disturbances. When learning the truth about your partner’s acting out behavior, whether it be through discovery or disclosure, reality becomes painfully distorted. Trust is shattered, memories are tainted, and questions swirl through your mind as you try to bring life back into focus. You are often left feeling alone in this web of deception not wanting to expose this painful secret. During this time it is best to seek individual therapy with a partner-sensitive therapist, join a support group, educate yourself about partner trauma, and practice self care as best you can.

5. If my partner is the addict, why do I need to go to counseling?
As a partner, sitting with your own emotions can seem unbearable as you wrestle with new realities, finding your way amid the fog that shrouds you. Often, it draws feelings of intense resentment. “It’s his/her problem, not mine. If it wasn’t for this, I wouldn’t be in this place.” Yes, it is true your partner has their own work to do. And yet, their actions have caused you immense hurt and pain. Your heart needs restoration, and only you can do this work. Seeking help, whether with a partner sensitive therapist or a support group, can be a valuable resource on your healing journey.